{"id":27072,"title":"Inside Out Loud","description":"Matteo Delred's exploration of personal identity and self-expression through the mediums of poetry and visual art.","content":"

<\/p>

\"hunp3sp4prs5ezzpjnbj4n61eqnkwgpxfwqncs1q9wz7ni2n.jpg.jpg?w=1140&v=2\"<\/p>

<\/p>

My inside voice<\/p>

is a muscle doing tricks,<\/p>

a contortionist,<\/p>

I never asked it be<\/p>

Introverted?<\/p>

Or simply inverted,<\/p>

turned inside out,<\/p>

as if depth were just another trap.<\/p>

Digging deeper<\/p>

only gets you lost.<\/p>

Meanwhile my feet<\/p>

insist on north,<\/p>

while the rest of me<\/p>

spills out, tired,<\/p>

spread thin across a mattress.<\/p>

Tell me,<\/p>

is sadness a sickness<\/p>

that is it contagious?<\/p>

<\/p>

\"7dmto9ky5doqvdyk51fiqjxfixo8looualqfoqmrldygjzpy.jpeg.jpeg?w=1140&v=2\"<\/h3>

<\/p>

<\/p>

Mostly dehydrated,<\/p>

I down three cups in gulps and coughs.<\/p>

Tea, coffee,<\/p>

a fizzing vitamin drink<\/p>

that pricks my nose<\/p>

with its lemon static.<\/p>

Do I brush my teeth three times now?<\/p>

Is sensitive toothpaste<\/p>

a luxury or a necessity?<\/p>

I keep a model of my mouth<\/p>

on the shelf,<\/p>

it holds the little things<\/p>

I can\u2019t afford to lose.<\/p>

Beside it:<\/p>

La Fotograf\u00eda es F\u00e1cil.<\/p>

Is it?<\/p>

Feels more like grinding teeth.<\/p>

I\u2019ve worn myself square,<\/p>

edges rubbed smooth,<\/p>

not soft, exactly,<\/p>

just blunted.<\/p>

Screens hold me still.<\/p>

Work screens, play screens,<\/p>

silent screams.<\/p>

And so I make art,<\/p>

because it\u2019s louder than life,<\/p>

and its the only way<\/p>

I am heard.<\/p>

<\/p>

\"gqrhztvhcvjxpxywae52itvnuhuzbmey3ikzywsm7jer2qpr.jpg.jpg?w=1140&v=2\"<\/h3>

<\/p>

Sorry I didn\u2019t call or text.<\/p>

I needed to gather myself.<\/p>

Am I holding my breath?<\/p>

Counting it in and out<\/p>

like some private metronome.<\/p>

Life becomes<\/p>

a choreography<\/p>

of action and inaction,<\/p>

guided by<\/p>

the snooze\u2013alarm cycle.<\/p>

<\/p>

\"6asmkqhdokjr6c3jkpozzndfaxacbnr23zpbl3nuzrsmt7si.jpeg.jpeg?w=1140&v=2\"<\/p>

<\/h3>

Sampled, turned out,<\/p>

found dressed down.<\/p>

Surrender<\/p>

to furniture<\/p>

that has won again.<\/p>

Morning arrives with<\/p>

alarm, alarm, alarm,<\/p>

at the edge of indecision.<\/p>

Panic circles,<\/p>

rowing with all its tired force<\/p>

toward dry land.<\/p>

De-centring, re-centring,<\/p>

eating, sleeping, being,<\/p>

a reluctant conversationalist.<\/p>

<\/p>

\"zbawgvb6wiggqpfyd0w6eqt2ubusaptj4wqzpn7eu7rkq7oo.png.png?w=1140&v=2\"<\/p>

I was told<\/p>

I was doing illness wrong.<\/p>

I didn\u2019t do anything.<\/p>

Nothing grows<\/p>

from the drought of summer.<\/p>

But I grew<\/p>

from the wetlands,<\/p>

water rising round my shins,<\/p>

a false cul-de-sac,<\/p>

front garden fortress,<\/p>

a suburban lighthouse<\/p>

to stop shipwrecks,<\/p>

to offer safe harbour.<\/p>

Anchored, weighted<\/p>

by my ancestors:<\/p>

my great, great granddad \u2014 Old Bones Bennett,<\/p>

pugilist, printer;<\/p>

my granddad played the spoons;<\/p>

my uncle born<\/p>

above the dining room;<\/p>

my dad now owns<\/p>

all the rooms in this home,<\/p>

but still sleeps<\/p>

in his childhood bedroom.<\/p>","urlTitle":"inside-out-loud","url":"\/blog\/inside-out-loud\/","editListUrl":"\/my-blogs","editUrl":"\/my-blogs\/edit\/inside-out-loud\/","fullUrl":"https:\/\/lostcampitos.com\/blog\/inside-out-loud\/","featured":false,"published":true,"showOnSitemap":true,"hidden":false,"visibility":null,"createdAt":1682977707,"updatedAt":1759703396,"publishedAt":1759703395,"lastReadAt":null,"division":{"id":209850,"name":"Lost Campitos"},"tags":[{"id":2886,"code":"matteo","name":"Matteo","url":"\/blog\/tagged\/matteo\/"}],"metaImage":{"original":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/qztc5bsi0xxvn4wzlfvmzwk4apanajyvx7wjfesvzbvmzo8o.jpeg","thumbnail":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/qztc5bsi0xxvn4wzlfvmzwk4apanajyvx7wjfesvzbvmzo8o.jpeg.jpg?w=1140&h=855","banner":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/qztc5bsi0xxvn4wzlfvmzwk4apanajyvx7wjfesvzbvmzo8o.jpeg.jpg?w=1920&h=1440"},"metaTitle":"Inside Out Loud","metaDescription":"Inside Out Loud","keyPhraseCampaignId":null,"series":[],"similarReads":[{"id":24851,"title":"Love","url":"\/blog\/love\/","urlTitle":"love","division":209850,"description":"Artist Matteo Delred and writer Rebecca Mar\u00eda reflect on love. Exploring different types of love, as defined by the Ancient Greeks.","published":true,"metaImage":{"thumbnail":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/umrjnxs7qyv4mmajjpiopam85mxhwjzxx4c4dkt4pztfvz5q.jpeg.jpg?w=1140&h=855","banner":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/umrjnxs7qyv4mmajjpiopam85mxhwjzxx4c4dkt4pztfvz5q.jpeg.jpg?w=1920&h=1440"},"hidden":0},{"id":24941,"title":"Catching On the Fly","url":"\/blog\/catching-on-the-fly\/","urlTitle":"catching-on-the-fly","division":209850,"description":"Writer, Rebecca W Morris, and Photographer, Matteo Delred, capture thoughts and images at the train stops from Jerez de la Frontera to Cadiz on the Cercanias trainline. For each stop, one piece of writing is written and one photo is chosen. Seeing the same things they\u2019d seen so many times, but with new eyes.","published":true,"metaImage":{"thumbnail":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/hxf4vqbdejmlykd3ffgu1m8pfwvwi6xgvo0kqtnu50cygkce.jpeg.jpg?w=1140&h=855","banner":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/hxf4vqbdejmlykd3ffgu1m8pfwvwi6xgvo0kqtnu50cygkce.jpeg.jpg?w=1920&h=1440"},"hidden":0},{"id":25084,"title":"Listening To the Birdsong From My Caged Window","url":"\/blog\/listening-to-the-birdsong-from-my-caged-window\/","urlTitle":"listening-to-the-birdsong-from-my-caged-window","division":209850,"description":"Matteo Delred and Rebecca W Morris capture the urban melancholy of being separated from the natural world through poetry and photography.","published":true,"metaImage":{"thumbnail":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/7txvyg55ntk060bcks3mlugsnxi48onvirhfqfsftpnzp0ov.jpeg.jpg?w=1140&h=855","banner":"https:\/\/images.podos.io\/7txvyg55ntk060bcks3mlugsnxi48onvirhfqfsftpnzp0ov.jpeg.jpg?w=1920&h=1440"},"hidden":0}],"labels":[]}